Friday, April 2, 2010

Dear Diary : My ass is an end table.

Dear Diary,
I was looking in the mirror as I passed my reflection this afternoon and I was AGHAST.  Almost as aghast as when DBD takes baths.  <-- not right.  Just .. not.  right.

When did my ass become a shelf?  When did this happen?
while I was eating LIttle Debbie's on the couch?
No. That's a  TOTAL OUTRIGHT  lie I just told.

I don't allow food in the living room.

Back to my ass.

I could put coasters, a vase and some cokes on it.

OH MY FREAKIN GOD...   ya'll

MY ASS .. is an end table!!!

* mouth agape*

 It's a cruel cruel world when you have end table ass.  And  the day you REALIZE you have end table ass is even crueler.

There's no bathing suit , suited and cut and stretched for END TABLE ASS.  No miracle suit for that shit.

True dat'.


  1. yeah pretty sure mines gettin there too. Now that its nice out I should start taking cali on walks and that should help

  2. Remember Tonya Harding? I swear I couldn't pick her out of a line up... not by looking at her face, anyway. That chick had the weirdest looking ass I have ever seen. It was totally square. I kid you not.
    I am a totally straight girl, don't go around checking out other girls asses in general. But it was just hard to miss this thing skating around. Take a look at it...bizarre!
    I promise you, you look quite normal in comparison! ;-)

  3. My husband takes freaks me out! Not normal male behavior at all.

    End table ass may or may not also be caused by sitting in a computer chair and blogging several hours a day while eating various sugar-filled snacks. But I'm sure I wouldn't know anything about that!

  4. LOL! Mine is more like a damn kitchen table!!! I think it has its own zip code! bahahaha

  5. LOL!

    End table ass is why I have been trying to exercise a lil more.. I'm trying to lose some of mine!

  6. Hahaha! So that's what it's called. Of course, I don't have an end table ass. I have Washington Monmument Body -- small & pointy on top, big & square on the bottom.

    Followed More Than Mommy over here from the dance off post.

  7. I swear, you are describing a day in my life.

  8. Oh, that sucks! I've decided that bathing suits fit no one! It's some sort of conspiracy or something.

  9. Ah girl, bring that a$$ down here to TX. San Antonio is one of the fattest cities in the country. You'll feel sooooo thin!

  10. Don't worry at least you have a set. My ass is the other end table.

  11. LOL! As for bathing suits, unless a woman is a size 2 or 4 (maybe!)---they are not meant flatter any of us!

  12. Can you talk about asses on blogger? Just kidding! I have never heard anyone compare their booty to an end table..haha...I guess it could be worse it could be like a dining table for 12, or an entertainment center...wait maybe an entertainment center wouldn't be all that bad!

  13. End table ass? really, I wish I could literally laugh it off. Love this new idea of yours- you are a fabulous writer. :)

  14. LMAO. You see, Michigan is one of the fattest states in the great U.S. of A!!

    I wanna know when my arms decided that cellulite was a good look. Effi A. I can hide the shit on my legs and ass, but my ARMS?!?!?!

    I'm glad your back to writing!!

  15. Remember being pregnant and using your tummy as a table? Yep...My youngest is two and I still use it as a table. Sorry for your end table ass. My condolences.

  16. I'm still trying to figure out when my boobs decided have a permanent conference call with my knees. Guess thats what I get for nursing 3 kids! These girls need to get back where they belong, they have had 7 yrs to recover and I refuse to look at my ass!

  17. My ass has passed the end table and is now a coffee table. :(

    took me long to realize it. :(

  18. you'd have COKE on your end table. More like Samuel Adams!

    The prince doesn't fit in our garden tub. No worries there.

    Foursons lives in San Antonio?! She's right! Lots of fatties in SA. And if I lived there I would sooooo be one of them. The food is INCREDIBLE!! *salivates*

  19. knock it off. I seen yo ass in them dance videos. Stop being so mean to yourself.

    Besides...end tables can't dance like that. Don't argue with me. I'm yer elder.