Wednesday, April 7, 2010

What I forgot to tell her...



There's so much sadness this week on the net that I want to share with you my sweet sweet family news.  My new cousin.  Aubree Lynn - born into this world yesterday to my cousin Sean and his wife Sara.  Sean lost his mother , I lost my Aunt, Sara lost her mother -in -law to be 6 years ago this past OCtober.  Our family was devastated beyond repair.  The one shining light during that time was the birth of my first daughter, the first great grandchild- the first everything.  My aunt got to meet her and then passed a few weeks later.  MnM was our angel.  She took our minds off of it all.  She made us smile.  She made us thankful for life despite the loss of our sweet Aunt Karen.

Six years and and 7 months later we welcome Aunt Karen's little granddaughter into the world.  Our hearts cannot be heavy for this sweet little nugget reminds us that she lives on..  EVery breath she takes is in part because of my Aunt.

Sara and I have exchanged emails  and advice throughout her pregnancy.  As a first time mother she had lots of questions and her innocence reminds me of the sweetest times of my life.

 I wrote her  a few letters giving her " supah" advice-  lol  being my funny self.  I told her of all the hard times, of the funny things about pregnancy .. about all the advice givers and how to deal with them.

But I missed telling her the most important stuff. The feelings I was reminded of today as I heard the news of Aubree's entry into our world;

Sara, I forgot to tell you ...

That parts of your heart will bloom Sara-  and you will feel your heart grow 100 x as you  each and every single time  you look at her sweet face

the smell of her baby head will make your heart physically ache

When  you look at her face ... and feel her sweet breath..... the world will have no sounds but her.


when you touch her tiny fingers  you will marvel at how small they are  and you will wonder what good she will do with them

when she smiles for the first time when you walk into a room-  it will take your breath away

when her first steps are into your arms-   you will want to hold her forever and never let her go

when she says her first word-  you heart will forever be seared with her sweet voice

and when you hear her cry in pain-  you will feel her pain yourself in every ounce of y our body


you will cry when she proudly steps onto the school bus and then your heart will rip in pieces when she happily waves goodbye-

 you will want to throw  yourself in front of " time" to just simply HALT IT for a moment. Stop it with such force so that you can again find one more second to touch her tiny fingers, feel her feathery soft hair , hold your breath as she laughs her first laughs.

Because you can't get that back Sara-

so smell away sara
touch her downy soft hair with your fingers
marvel at her fingers for hours
feel the curve of her little nose
giggle at how she puts her bum in the air when she sleeps
laugh with her when she is silly
forget the dishes and the laundry
don't worry about the worries- there are always more
just hold her and tell her how wonderful she is
because she is your baby girl - and your life is forever changed today


i forgot to tell you all that. ...


xoxox
d

20 comments:

  1. gah thanks for making me cry!!! Im super emotional tonight I dont know why but that was really sweet!

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  2. congrats Cousin Supah, you got some important shoes to fill once again

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  3. beautiful, D, absolutely beautiful.

    sssshhhh ... don't tell but I am still scooping CJV up in the middle of the night to cuddle her while she's sleeping. I just can't get enough of her during daylight hours!

    Being a mom is such a gift!

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  4. You made me cry... Every word of what you said is true!

    I feel that a person can not know unconditional love until they have a child. To have this being who relies on you for EVERYTHING to look at you and love you with no boundaries, no ill thoughts, is amazing and wonderful. And a gift.

    When I was preggy with my daughter I cried every time I heard her heartbeat at the DR office...

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  5. Ah yes...The things we forget when people ask "what's it like being a mother?" You really brought back some of those memories for me, though. Thanks :)

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  6. Congrats to your cousin and his wife.

    You of course, made me tear up. Damn hormones. That was really sweet.

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  7. Every single word is so true. Beautifully written, and thanks for reminding me to forget about the laundry and to stop worrying so much.

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  8. Beautiful! You definitely miss those little things when they're gone.

    My post today is about not sweating over the little things, but these little things are so important!

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  9. My heart is in my throat! :(

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  10. Thanks for making me cry (again) bish.

    It's all so true! And now that my boys are 9 and 6....I yearn for the sweet smell of their little baby heads. They pretty much just smell like sweat. But if they will be still enough to let me sniff them.....I would still do it. Cuz even when they are stinky....they are my delightful boys.

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  11. This had me in tears this morning. Beautiful.

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  12. And now I'm crying. Thanks for the reminder, it really does go faster than I ever could have imagined.

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  13. aawwww....! I'm tearing again!! This is so beautiful!!! I'm touching my Emma!

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  14. I'm crying at work. Again. I need a job where I can drink. Sweet, sweet message to give a new mom. My 'baby' turned 22 last month and in her birthday letter I told her I wished I had rocked her more and not listened to the so-called experts. I'm so looking forward to grandchildren!

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  15. Yup, I am crying hysterically too. Your descriptions could not be more spot on!

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  16. And you did a wonderful job of filling her in, too. That was all sooo very true. What a wonderful cousin you are.

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  17. You're so going to get pregnant again. Sooooo going to get pregnant. All those things you wrote, all the wonderful, sweetly composed and well written things you wrote can be boiled down into one, teeny, tiny, short five letter word.

    Crack.

    Babies are crack. For anyone who has ever had one, held one, touched one, you can't get enough. Crack.

    Mark the date, set the time, I'm callin' it. Debby's swingin' for the fence. Bases are loaded and we're lookin' for the grand slam folks. It's baby time. The crack is callin'.

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  18. Awwwww so sweet! You aren't supposed to make me cry!!! And you are making me want to have another baby.

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