Sunday, April 4, 2010

Marriage: Don't Sweat the Small STuff.. especially if you video'd him snoring.

Dbd and I have always struggled somewhat <--- lie.   A lot with our marriage.  Two fools.  Two fools who were scarred terribly by childhood circumstances and family issues that created the two adults we are today.  Adults that have butted heads for 10 years. Butted heads not only with each other but with our own selves.  I'm testament that you get tired of doing that ... at some point.  And you give it up .  You surrender.

This year has been the happiest year of my marriage thus far.  I know.  That's a hard statement to throw out there huh?  But I"m all about honesty.  Marriage freaking sucks sometimes.  I'm the one friend who will tell you that when you're about to walk down the aisle.  Just call me Debby Downer.  But make damn sure it's done with a "y" ... just because.

 There are days I want to " cut him."  Go gangstah on his ass and smile as I see him suffer.  Now THAT'S love in it's purest form huh? I imagine putting a horsehead on his pillow... and smile because it just freaking makes me FEEL better after he has made some stupid ass move.

 But then those days often twiddle out pretty quickly and we move onward without looking back.  No grudges these days?.. WTF? Where have all the grudges gone?  Long time  passing?  <--- anyone know that reference?

  Nothing seems to last these days like it used to.  I'm able to release the inner thoughts of murder , fairly easy.   Does this come with time?  Does it come with maturity?  <--- who are YOU calling mature??

Does that simply come on the side of just plain having way too much more to worry about?  <---- perhaps

"Dont' sweat the small stuff."  

I hate that freaking cliched book but it is in essence  totally true.  The one person who will go to the ends of the Earth for m.e.. for my girls.. for my family.  DBD.

What more could I ask for people?  What more?

* the garbage emptied before it becomes a garbage fucking waterfall
* whiskers wiped out of the sink before they LAND ON MY FUCKING T BRUSH
* laundry noticed and done ...THAT MOUNTAIN?  Isn't Mt. etna.  It's our clothes you fucker. 
* cook a dinner once in a fucking blue moon -  it's not hard.  
* pick up the damn dogshit before it molds over

↑What list?↑ Where?  ↑I don't know what you're speaking of?

So this year.  I surrendered.  I just gave in and my life is happier for it. Our marriage is happier.  MT. Etna is still MT. Etna .. the dogshit moldy, my toothbrush hairy , the garbage a natural waterfall  and dinner-  all on me.

* grumblegrumblegrumgle--- gone.  <---see.. easy.

What concessions have you found necessary in marriage/ relationships?

Spill it.


  1. Your "non list" sounds a lot like mine. Ive gotta stop worrying about the stuff that we dont have & enjoy the things we do. Have you heard that Monica song? My everything. yeah as mushy gushy as it sounds thats how i feel about my hubby.. i just gotta learn to let him know it more often.

  2. A little PPM, my darling? Where have those darn flowers gone? I gotcha song referencin' back, D :)

    Concessions ... makes me think of HS football games and bags of popcorn ... focus ...

    If there is something that needs to be discussed, I will be the one to bring it to "our" attention. It has to be me. CPV will just go right on ignoring it, hoping it goes away. And I'm all like WTF?! Makes me bonkers! Let's talk about it, figure it out, and move on. Sometimes I try to wait him out (sweat him a little) ... pure agony ... but I always end up caving!

    BTW: Love having this part of your brain back!

  3. LMAO @ the snoring!! He is actually very quiet compared to what my husband sounds like!!! I recorded in sound only. Need to make a video!!

    I hear ya on "don't sweat the small stuff." me, I hate drama. He hates drama, and if it really isn't worth arguing for, we just don't. We blow each other off and change the subject (most of the time). I have thrown a plate or at him.

    We've worked out a money spending system, so we rarely fight over money (I know. It's hard to believe).

    We both learned long time ago, that marriage is A LOT OF compromise--meeting each other half way.

  4. I have slowly been surrendering, myself. Funny thing is his shiat ticks off my Mom more than it does me now. It has created a lil argument or two between my mom and I. Boils down to, I am the one who decides what battles to pick in that relationship, not her.

  5. I have been with my man for almost 10 years... I have learned to pick and choose my battles.

    Laundry (aka Mt. Clothesmore) gets done when it gets done... I don't bitch about it anymore. I always make sure we all have clean clothes but the piles are never completely gone...

    Cooking? I haven't cooked in so long that I may have forgotten how to. My MIL does the majority of it (which is fine by me, one less thing for me to worry about). Although I DO miss cooking dinner every now and then...

    I don't argue about money but then I play the role of the bank. I know what is coming in and going out and how much is left...

    Garbage is one thing that he will do on his own once in awhile...

    When major things arise is when I have a hard time expressing what is on my mind. I will beat around the bush until he practically guesses what is bothering me... Not good I know, but that is just how I am... I am working on speaking my mind but it is so very hard for me...

    (sorry that I blogged in your comments!)

  6. Love this. I've figured out the same thing- that's it's really only the big things that matter. He loves me, he takes care of our family, he makes me laugh.

    If I focused on the little stuff, I wouldn't like anyone.

  7. Great post. With everyone being so busy, it's so easy to get bogged down with the "small stuff". I know I do. But when you look at the big picture, that small stuff really is "small."

  8. Hopefully you can post this same thing in another 20 years!!:) I have been married for almost 40 years and we just take the good with the bad. I think it is hard for any 2 people to live together!! Sounds like you have it figured out!!!:)

  9. I wish we were given a how-to book when we got married. Kinda like the one that you should get when you have kids!

    Marriage does take work. I tend to make mountains out of molehills, and I don't mean laundry - that's always a mountain! Things aren't always as big as I think and I'm learning to let go.

    I've also learned that if 2 people really love each other, and we do, that those hard conversations still suck but you can work through it and come out better people and usually grow even closer as a result.

  10. Love it! In my 3rd week of being re-married I have already given up on watching my own tv shows and not getting upset about dishes being put in the dishwasher in the "wrong" places :)

  11. My husband needs 9 hours of sleep a day. Seriously. I wish I were making that up. If he doesn't, he starts to zone out, then he gets a migraine and is out cold for hours. So I gave up the idea of ever sleeping in. I get up with the munchkin and the cats every day. Some days I make him pay me back with time off, but let's face it: it doesn't ever really add up to the 1-2 hours I'm up before him every day dealing with our life.

  12. I'm still learning how to let things go. I get so wound up about things, but most of the time I keep it all in, which is always bad.

    We're creeping up on our 5 year anniversary (in November) and we're still working on some kinks.

    I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who hates the whiskers in the sink!

  13. Oh, there are definitely THOSE days! But then again, sometimes he just really comes through and I remember why I love him! He'll vacuum everything because I have someone coming over and just couldn't get it all done. Or, every once in awhile on a day that I work and he's home, I'll come home to dinner cooked, the baby bathed and everything in place (for me to be a 1950's husband).

    I try to remember those days as I look at the box of clothes dumped on the floor on his side of the bed (the box that hadn't been unpacked yet) for the last several days because he was late and needed a shirt.

    We knew we were getting into this when we decided to live with boys.

  14. Add two teenagers from his first marriage and come talk to me later. ;) There are ALWAYS days.

  15. I totally agree with you. I wish that I could just let things go like you are now doing. I am still being a bratt I guess lol

  16. The list that doesn't exist almost got me in trouble at work. I'm supposed to be working and all of a sudden I'm laughing like a mad woman at a spreadsheet!?

  17. i've become a master at making him think HE came up with the idea... but we all know (except him).. it was my idea.

  18. and don't all gang up on me at once here... but... my husband cooks dinner EVERY night. seriously. Call me lazy, or a TV whore (gotta get those tivo'd shows in)... whatever... he likes to cook. I offer to help... half-assedly... but i still offer, even though i KNOW he'll want to take all the credit himself on the meal, and decline my help. But i DID offer.. i'm off the hook.

  19. I used to get really pissed that the prince wouldn't make the bed or help me make it unless I asked him specifically. After all these years together, I finally decided that I was the only one who cared. So I make it now without getting all bent out of shape.

    I solved the issues around the bathroom sink by getting his/hers sinks. (HEAVEN!)

    The other stuff? I know it's hard to imagine right now...but at some point you will be able to make your kids do that kind of stuff! My boys take the trash and put their own clothes away. *cuts flips*

  20. Oh your words are so true - marriage is the hardest wonderful thing I've ever done. And no matter how many times you hear someone say it, you can't really understand it until you are in a marriage yourself.

    And yes - surrender to the marriage makes all the difference.

  21. *Where have all the flowers gone....long time passing.....Where have all the flowers gone, long time ago.......Young Girls....Young Men.....and so on!*---->this was the song my mother used to sing me to sleep with when I was little....explains a lot, doesn't it?

    Marriage is all about picking your battles! If it isn't worth a drag out fight, I don't bring it up and I move on.