Sunday, April 18, 2010

What's your " mommy?"

I often feel guilty because for " me " personally...... being an awesome mom to my kiddos.... just isn't enough for m.e.  I know how selfish that must " sound." and I'm okay with that.   You can throw tomatoes at me later.
 .I've learned so many things over the years about myself as a person... but more so about myself as a mother , wife, parent and most importantly as Debby.  ( yep.. that's my name)   I've learned over the almost 7 years of being a mom- that I neglect myself incredibly.    So "Selfish" is okay.  At least for me it is.  Selfish has this terrible connotation but selfish can mean simply-  putting myself first 1/ 2million times.

I struggled for many years to balance the feelings I had for this " mommy job."  The days that were blissful... the days that were PULL MY EYEBROW HAIRS OUT ONE BY ONE torture. I've struggled to find the part of it that made me feel so " peaceful."  I watched other moms say  how much they LOVED staying at home and really felt the burn of such sweet statements.

Why couldn't I FIND THAT?
What was WRONG with me?

Yes.  Loved my kids.  Took great care of them.  Awesome mom as much as I can be with 3 grasshoppers tuggin at my every step-  needing ... wanting.  I do those things.

   While I do so very much love that I can stay home, see my MnM off to school-  keep my babies at home with me during the day.  I dont' actually get FULFILLMENT from all of it.  It actually drives me the other way to be very, very, raw and honest.

 I search for things to do, like blog, write, create etc.  So that I stay fresh.  So that my mind has opportunities to blossom.  I don't wait for things to come to me.... I got out and search for them.  I thrive on it.  

If selfish is wrong.. then I don't want to be right. <--- I love using that !

  I can be a mom.  And it's one of the best parts of my life if not THE BEST.  But being a MOM... That's just one facet of Supah.  I am also allowed to have other facets.  Writer, philanthropist,, comedianne... friend, wife,  creator, daugther, community activist, bad typist and entrepeneur.

I can BE  all of those things because I MAKE THE RULES.  No one else.  I don't live by anyone else's 'journey."  Yours is different than mine.

I can be all of those facets.....  nurture each one.  By doing so... I  ..... create a better "  Me:  and thus a better Mom., wife , daughter, sister, friend and so on.

  I don't beat myself up anymore when I hear someone sweetly gush about loving this mommy job.  I just realize that my " mommy"  is different than theirs and that's okay. What's your "mommy?"


  1. OMG! I feel the same way!! I love being at home but at the same time it can drive me to insanity.. I have had a job since I was 14 and I had no plans on not working, but then the business shut down so I threw myself into being a SAHM its challenging and I have to find other ways to keep me going! Thanks for posting this

  2. Did you ever read my "I'm a Full Time Working Mom" post? It's about how I LIKE to work and don't feel guilty about leaving my kids in daycare. It's about how I couldn't/don't want to stay home with my kids.

    I think you would relate.

  3. Fabulous post. I love being a mom, but I have to find ways to be something else besides just mom or I start to lose who I am.

  4. Ohh supah you stop reading my diary. Add to that sole caretaker of my elderly mother who lives behind us and you have a recipe for complete loss of Me in anything.. IT has been really bad lately.. really bad...

  5. I love being a SAHM - it's something I've wanted to be for a long time. Like you, I can be selfish, but I still have my days where I feel guilty about it. And even though I feel guilty at times, it does help me be a better mom.

    For me, I need to be selfish so I can find out who I am and where I fit in outside of the mom role. It's something that I continually work on and it is definitely not easy, but someday I'll figure it all out.

  6. I love being a mommy. It was my purpose in life. I'm one of those people. But thank goodness we are not all the same. I don't know how many times I've told you that you should be earning big bucks for your talent. Your talents should be shared...not kept at home. Of course you should meet the needs for your family, but that doesn't mean YOUR needs can't be met too! I think you are uber awesome. I wish I could be your Ari Gold. (Please tell me you watch Entourage.)

  7. Oh...and I cracked up about you being a bad typist.